insomnia's killing me!!!! i can't freaking sleep!!!!!!! circles getting darker... and i'll never get better... =(( someone knock me out please.... =((( i think sleep is affecting me... no sleep = being grumpy = unhappiness... argh!!!! *pulls hair* why can't i freaking sleep!!!!! >=(

i need to exhaust myself out completely... but what's there for me to do that i can be so drained that i would just go to sleep... let me think.... erm... nothing? the moment i step out of the house i'm tired... but i won't sleep... the moment i come home... i'm still tired... but my mind won't shut and i can't drift into deep deep sleep... =(( i need some sleeping pills... or maybe some aroma therapy that can knock me out... =(

another thing... i think i need some drama in my life... whatever drama will do... something that i can just be tired and just sleep.. look at the freaking time i'm writing this... it's freaking 2.50am... and i'm still wide awake... in fact i think if i don't force myself to sleep... by turning left and right on my bed for an hour... i could be up the whole day... i did that when i had exams... i can do it again... right? and of course look like shit in the morning...

i've made a decision.. i think i should start starving myself... i don't wanna be said i'm fat and that my face is too round... i'm getting sick of those comments... and it's prolly for the better... it's prolly weird... but i sometimes just feel disgusted by myself... not that i'm having a self-esteem crisis here... but i just feel that way sometimes when i look at myself in the mirror.. and sometimes looking at everyone around me being slim makes me wanna be able to blend and not stand out and get noticed at how i look so odd around them... =x what's seriously wrong with me... =((

i have lots of things i'm feeling unhappy about at this moment... but i'm not gonna pour them out of course... i'll prolly be thought of as a nut case... it's funny ain't it... that this is suppose to be a somewhere i can pour out all my ranting and yet i'm still not able to do that fully... the irony...

this is such an ubber long post i realized... then again... it's to help me get drowsy... so if there are any readers... don't bother reading... it's just a post for someone who can't sleep and needs to rant....

by the way.... i know it's bad... but i'm starting to develop a dislike towards someone close to me... it feels like she's trying to control things since she's not able to control her own life... and it's just me... and i don't like it... and the worse thing... even though i already said i don't wanna sell my things... she still goes ahead and sell it... argh!!!! i don't understand why it's just me... it pisses me off so much but i can never say that to her cos it's her... sometimes i wanna be rebellious and not listen to commands made by everyone at home... it's like i'm taken for granted that i would definitely do as told... and of course i do do as i'm told... but i would like to rebel as well... sigh~ i don't know... man i'm so emo-ish.... =x this is so bad...

i should have ugly thoughts... ugly thoughts make people ugly... i don't wanna be a mrs twits.... =( i'm so down now... rock bottom down... =( prolly this is a similar post that have been read sometime back in here... but i'm saying it once again... i'm drifting... and i'm so tired of pretending... and i wanna be rebellious... go wild... be the bad girl... but of course... i'm only saying... i don't think i'll ever be the rebellious one... or the wild one... or the bad girl one.... i feel stuffed up... not the sickly stuffing up... but the emotions stuffed up one.. i wanna scream out loud and shout at someone and be angry to someone... and just vent everything out... just burst... but i know i'll not burst... i'll prolly end up crying or rather holding back my crying and try to look fine and give the excuse that my eyes are watery cos i'm just tired... but in actual fact i do wanna burst out crying... and say whatever that's making me feel angry or unhappy... yes... i do cry alot... since young i cry alot... when i was a kid... i cry when i'm sad... but not at sad events like funerals... but now... i cry cos i'm angry... but i don't think people get it... they just think that i cry to get my way... or maybe it's just people around me that thinks that way...

time check... it's 3.36am... and what do you know... i'm still very awake like i drank a pot of coffee... which just to let you know... even coffee do not keep me as awake as i am now if i do start to develop a liking for them... which i don't think i'll ever do...

i bored of typing and trying to make myself drowsy from the typing... i'm gonna stop... until next time... bye...

p.s: cookie is damn hip... super sexy... lol~