outer: i am straight
inner: i think i am bi

outer: i believe witchcraft, blackmagic or anything magical is true
inner: i believe my fiction

outer: i want a rich and famous and totally dig me lover
inner: i just need a guy who will love me and handle my nonsensical childlike behaviour for a life time and of course he must totally dig me

outer: happy endings exist naturally
inner: happy endings made with hard work and not by nature

outer: relationships are a breeze
inner: relationships are a phobia

outer: nothing worries me
inner: i'm a worry wart

outer: i'm outgoing
inner: i dislike people... i'm selective with my people

outer: i know what i'm doing
inner: i'm lost at all that i'm doing

outer: rumours don't get to me
inner: rumours sucks

outer: friends forever
inner: one or two will stay

outer: world is perfect
inner: the world should just end and a whole new one should be created again

outer: talkative
inner: bottled up inside

outer: childish
inner: wants to be a child

outer: guys are girls
inner: guys can't be girls even if i want them to

outer: optimistic
inner: pessimistic

outer: realistic
inner: denial

outer: have lots of eye candies
inner: eye candies can never hurt me

outer: patient
inner: impatient

outer: good tempered
inner: short tempered

outer: tai tai dream
inner: career woman goal
out of all these... how many of my friends actually know the inner me? how many of my friends can see the inner me even when i have the outer me to cover it up? how many of my people actually knows what i'm thinking and how i see things?
here's the answer: prolly just 1 or 2... or maybe even close to none...

that's prolly why i rather not be myself than truely be myself... it's a protection i guess... know the comfort zone thingy? i can't bring myself to walk out of it... i don't wanna feel all those disgusting feeling of hurt, betrayal and what not.. the inner me closed once i entered secondary school... and i started putting up a false front... i started forcing myself to appear as a happy go lucky person in front of relatives, friends and even my parents... yearning to get some sign of approval from people around... especially my dad... it's silly isn't it? it's gets tiring awhile and the inner me starts to show a little... but then i pick myself back up and cover it all up again... that's human nature i guess... or maybe i'm wrong...

here's something happy... school's ending in 3 days time... =D hurrays hoorahs... byebye stupid school... bye bye early mornings... byebye stupid problems... byebye RJs... byebye UTs.... BYE BYE~!!! totally can't wait... though i'm not sure what's gonna happen next... i'm so bend on going aussie to study... cos i can't keep up with the pace here... i can't stand the pressure... i can't start anew in this country.... uh-uh... i can't at all... =( please let me get into my desired uni... please i beg you whoever that's up there listening...

wednesday's gonna be given to tanning with the girls... jas eunice a.k.a my enemy and jialing... a small group of us relaxing and maybe playing around... =) i supposed small groups are still the best... politics don't exist much in such groups... =)

activities are lined up for the whole week.. SAS high tea reception... visit to IDP... Chinese New Year coming up... and talking about chinese new year... i've finally gotten myself my clothes for the New Year... =) 2 dresses and a pair of pretty sandals... =) nothing to glammy... suitable for all occassions and something i would definitely wear out... =D yay~! such a disappointment that my taiwan clothes won't make it for the New Year... i was totally looking forward to it... but it disappointed me thus the reason why i ended up buying 2 dresses instead... and in fact only one of the dresses would be worn for new year... the other's more for going to the beach and wearing it for easy wear... haha... and both of them are green... hehe... i don't know why green.. but it's green... haha... i think i'll look like a semi christmas tree with my red peep-toes which i recently bought as well and gave me hell alot of blisters... =( it's painful... but i've got to bear with it... it's my shoe... it's my responsibility to season it... =x

i'm gonna do something stupid tomorrow... i'm going for a interview at a modelling agency tomorrow... haha... i don't know why i actually bothered entertaining them... but oh wells... since it's the end of school already... why not... haha.. if i do get the assignment... i might be able to get some pay for it... and that may be good since i haven't found a job yet... good plan eh?

i should pay a visit to the temple at Bugis soon.. i have the urge to pray again.. if i know how to get to the one at Joo Jiat... i would definitely rather go there...

20th Feb... another appointment with the doctor's for Anna... 27th Feb... the op day... a minor op... but i still worry... though i keep telling Anna it's nothing... of course i have to appear calm don't i... so yeah... i'm worried... people who bother reading... would you please pray to whoever that you believe for me that my Anna would be fine for the op? i hope the fairy goddess whose temple i'm gonna visit soon before the op and appointment dates would listen to my prayers... answer them and bless me... i've got no religion that i follow... but going to the temple always calms me down.. will she answer me still? *keeps my fingers crossed*

i need a hug... i need my sisters... be it real or fake ones... =((

night... bon nuit~!

side note: i wanna take up Japanese... where do i go for japanese courses? i want my bunny rabbit as well... when will my baby be brought home so that i could take him for walks and dress him up? i want my bunny rabbit Charcoal... =((

i wanna blog something... but i don't know what to blog... cos it's always the same thing over and over again... =x

neeways... baked dog biscuts on wednesday with the darling girlfriend joyce... and gave them away to other dogs other than our dogs... we aren't selfish people.. haha.. snowy liked it... andrea's dog liked it too... coco of course like it... lucky also liked it... jas's dog felt that it was to dry... anyhoo... it was mostly positive feedback... coolness ain't it... my virgin dog biscut making and it turned out just fine... =) we wanted to make human cookies too... but.... we kinda screwed up... ended up making a cake out of the cookie mix... and it tasted good... but... it didn't look convincing enough to let others eat it... so i think Anna threw it away after leaving it in the fridge... =x hahahaha... oh wells... better luck next time... hehe...

next exciting thing... i went to underwater world and dolphin lagoon...[FINALLY!] yayness!!! the fish there are fascinating... seriously... there's this something angel thingy... it's really damn cool... it looks like a jelly fish but it's actually a shell-less sea snail... fascinating ain't it... haha... i think so too... didn't get a proper picture of it though... [cos i'm cameraless... yes... sisters took them all cos they are not in singapore... =(] then there were prehistoric like fishies... i swear they really do look prehistoric... they are like HUGE!!! HUMONGOUS!! OH MY GOODNESSLY ENORMOUS kind... no kidding... i know i sound a little sua gu... but i've never seen such fishies up close... =x it's kinda scary looking in fact... oh... and the sting rays are cute... hahaha... i touched them... lol... they behaved like dogs at the underwater world... hahahaha... and and and... I TOUCHED A SHARK!!! lol... seriously... it was at the touch pool inside... i wanted to touch the puffer fish... but didn't cos i didn't wanna get poked if it decides to blow up... ahahaha... then i saw many crabs too... and i kept thinking if they're edible... oops... hahaha... sorry... i like crabs... even if they make my hands itch whenever i eat them... i still love eating crabs... hahaha... the conveyor belt ride around was also fun... saw lots and lots of sharks... and even bigger fishies... hahaha... simply coolness to the max... hahahhaha.... i wanna go again... again again... we must go again... =)

dolphin lagoon wasn't very very fascinating.. partly cos i didn't get close enough to see the dolphins... though they are really pretty and smart and all things nice... but to have our pictures taken with them is way to expensive... and they only have 3 pink dolphins in the entire enclosure... but the show was really entertaining and fascinating... heheh... the next time i go there... i would pay the 15 bucks to have my picture taken with those lovely things... but of course... that means the next time i'm there... i would make sure i'm not very broke... =)

girlfriend and i caugh songs of the sea too... in between waiting for the show to start we went and caught an animal show for free... yup... free!! and you get to take pictures with them... free too!!! hahaha... i got real close to a hawk or was it a falcon... either one... and it was soooooooo cool... i landed on my arm and fed on a piece of meat... =) i of course volunteered to do that... haha... and it's really really fascinating... hahaha.... i mean to get so close to an animal that you would never get to do so in the wild... how often does that happen.... unless of course everyday you go sentosa and volunteer in the show... hahaha... took a pic with a albino python with girlfriend too... hahaha... that python weighed like 20kg... O.O no joke... it's was freaking heavy... haha... that's my 2nd time taking a picture with that kinda snake already... hahaha...

next was song of the sea and it was GOOOOOOOOD~! hahaha... nicer than the one shown at the musical fountain last time... and the mini fireworks at the end of it... it was really spectacular... i wanna catch it again... hahahaha...

bottomline... i wanna revisit those places again... and of course the other places too... hahahahahaha... people... let's go alright? hehe...

saturday was spent singing and coming back early... cos FYP is finally over for everyone... mine ended last week... some of them ended yesterday... =) so it was celebrating time... though it wasn't really much of a big celebration.. =x oh wells... 2 more weeks of RP and i can say byebye to woodlands forever... hurrays hurrays!! i love the thought of them... hahaha...

monday plans... PON!!!! =) pon to go sentosa again... this time to play at the beach... hehe... relax and have fun... not many would be ponning... but oh wells... whoever comes... let's relax... =) i would certainly need that... hehe.. though i had my fill of relaxation on friday... but i'm in need of more... more more more... hahaha...

thoughts of getting into any unis is rushing through my head now... =x would i make it would i make it?? argh~!! i'm so scared... i hope i do make it into any of those unis... especially murdoch... or uwa... i couldn't apply of UQ or UNSW or ANU... ANU needs application fee... i'm trying to get my parents to pay for it... UQ and UNSW fees aren't waived off cos the people at the fair aren't here anymore to waive it off for me... meaning i have to pay them... and that means i have to pay about AUD300 plus for those 3... i think it's worth it... but my parents might think otherwise... sigh... =( anyhoos... i'll have to talk to them tomorrow about it... =x

these days i don't like interacting with some people... i don't know why... it just doesn't feel right anymore talking to them... there seemed to be an awkwardness built up... oh wells... it can't be helped can it? what will be will be... what will not be won't be... 2 more weeks... we'll see happens next....


something stopped us from being like before... and yeah... maybe it can't be helped... i supposed there's really no such thing as having a guy as a good friend is there... i did consider you as one... but not to you i guess... whatever... let that awkwardness built... i care less already... let others say what they wanna say... if that would affect friendship... then seriously... whatever.. baaaahhh... you're still my sister to me... =)