hola people.... it's less that 24hours before i'm headed for the humid and ridiculously warm tiny island called Singapore... =D i'm so excited... i can't wait... this whole week i have been eating out with friends.... giving me farewells... and stuff... (and of course all these add on to the pounds) really appreciate the people taking time to do that... though i don't really need a farewell... but thanks for the blessings received anyways.... even if i don't say it out loud obviously... but honestly... i'm really touched... though it's only half a year here... and it's such abrupt decisions... but yeah... i'm glad i know the people i know... especially the girls Lulu Gina M and Ellen... they really gave me great times... =D of course the singaporeans that i met here are great people too... and we'll prolly keep in touch when back in sg...

i'm done with my packing... and i think i really would have to pay for excess baggage... =x i have so many things... and even though i've already courier loads of stuff... somehow it's still not enough... darn.... =x oh wells... i hope the person at the counter would be kind tomorrow and not rude like the one when i first came here.... then at least even if i have to pay for excess i could pay the minimum? i hope i don't overshoot too much...

gotta wake up early tomorrow... to vacumm and clear the room and what nots... and check out too... thank goodness Samitha's gonna send me to the airport... which means.... i can save on cab fare... =) i have no idea how i'm gonna handle my baggages on my own... but oh wells... i hope i manage... and pray that i don't get lost at sydney's airport.... i have a feeling i'm gonna feel so lost... =x

alrighty then... it's off to bed for me... =) the next time you hear from me... i'm with family... =)

toodles...

P.S: i still think i'm right about my decision... it's alright if it's not understood... just give me the support that i need... and one day you'll see i'm actually right... =)

heya people... i'm back to rant.... i finally told my parents about my deicision... and i've finally made up my mind... friends are asking me... or rather... telling me that it's a bad decision and i'm gonna regret... that i should give myself another chance and not make decisions so quickly... but i think i've thought it out really thoroughly... i'm quitting... i know this is a sign of weakness... and a very bad way of doing things... but if only they could see how i see things.... how i feel about what's going on.... maybe then they'll understand better...

my parents reacted not too badly to my decision... although i was expecting more and maybe i'll get more reactions when i return.... but for now... they're just being supportive and i really appreciate that...

i know i'm gonna feel guilty for the rest of my life... and prolly also regret on giving up on my dream... but seriously... let's face it... i'm prolly really not cut out for science... and it took me 4 and half years to figure that out.... so why not stay on and do business here instead you may ask.... well... i don't wanna be away from home... i feel pressured... i feel suffocated.... i'm just tired... yes... it's only half a year and i already can't stand it... but seriously... i wanna be back home... with the family... with familiar places.... and familiar people... and a good environment which i'll feel relaxed in.... i don't feel relaxed here at all unfortunately.... so yes... i'm returning no matter what...

i'm relieved after making this decision... it really made my load lighter... i felt happier and all set to go home... i'll miss the weather here... i'll miss the people i know here.... but i'll not miss the school... i'll miss the wildlife here that i'll never get to see in a city like home.... but still... home is still the best place after all... =)

so people.... before you make any judgement about me as a person... maybe try understanding why sometimes such decisions are made.... i'm not running away... i'm doing what's best... and i'm trying to not do any more harm financially and mentally to both myself and my parents.... with that said... think of me as weak... i'm fine with that... it can come to the point where you wanna not associate yourself with me... but who cares... it's my future... and i know this is right...

skiing this weekend... can't wait.... =) then maybe i should start making plans to go home early... =) lots of packing to be done... =D

toodles people... it's close to the weekend... =D

why did i have to be so stubborn and insisted on coming to ANU... why did i have put myself so much misery now... I WANNA GO HOME~!!!! I DON'T WANNA BE IN ANU ANYMORE~!!! I'D RATHER GO HOME TO WORK THEN TO BE HERE!!!! I WOULD GIVE ANYTHING TO GO HOME NOW~!!!

how do you tell your parents that you have intentions of quitting school and do not wanna continue another miserable period in Australia.... how do you tell your parents that you have thoughts of changing to a uni where you have friends there and it's nearer to home..... how do you tell your parents that you just wanna give up cos it's mentally draining me out... how do you tell all that without breaking their hurt and disappointment in you and let them take you home without feeling guilty for the rest of your life....

i can't call my parents now cos i feel miserable... i don't want them to worry... but yet now... everytime i just feel like crying... it has come to a point where i can only hold conversations over the internet cos no one would know how i really sound like... i can say haha when my eyes are actually watery... i can put a smiley face when i'm actually red-eyed... sigh.... i feel misery now.... i would fall into depression soon... i know i'm not yet cos if i do think i'm depressed it means i'm not cos a depressed person do not know that...

i'm losing faith... though i'm still fighting with all i've got to get through the sup paper... but seriously... i am just fighting for my parents... but other than that... i have no will or whatsoever to staying here... i wanna leave this dreadful place.... i wanna be with someone familiar...

to sum it all up..... I'M INCREDIBLY MISERABLE!!!!! i wanna go home.....

bye