i'm feeling so miserable... and tired... and unhappy... and left out... and all negative things... =(( and i can't pour my heart out to anyone... sigh~ have not been talking to the girls... making dead conversations... staying out of their hang outs with tony and their bitching... somehow i don't find the strength to go bitch about anything or anybody or what nots... i'm just this invisivble person at dinner... listening to their conversation that i have no idea what they are talking about... out of the circle of talks... and just on my own...

the truth is... i'm breaking down... when i was on my way back to my room after dinner... i just started crying... and i stared in front of my computer and started crying... is that what stress is all about now? crying when i feel useless instead of being productive? man i need a break... but then again... if i keep up this attitude of ignoring conversations in the kitchen and just be invisible i'll prolly be how i was when i first came... a stranger... =x oh wells... i need some comfort now... but calling home and crying isn't gonna work... disturbing friends about my emptiness ain't gonna work either... it'll just means i'm so useless and can't even handle such small stress... =x

this is the first time i've cried since i first came here... i've been holding it all back and now i think i'm at my brim already... i'm like a empty shell going to lectures and listening and trying to look happy but actually sucked inside...

even after writing this out... and pouring my guts out here... i don't feel any better... =( can't i have a little concern from the people around me? in aussie?

damn i'm useless... back to the books... and trying not to be depressed... =((