first entry for the year 2008... and here's what i've got to say....

i've got sleeping disorder... i can't sleep no matter how tired i am... the moment i rest my head on my pillow... i just feel so awake... even though my body's telling me that i'm sleepy and exhausted and in need of serious rest... =x does bruises come with sleep disorders? cos i'm getting them alot lately... non painful ones.... it just pops out of nowhere... am i subconciously abusing myself? hahaha... i'm not mental mind you.. haha... oh... and i think mozzies like people with sleep disorder too... hahaha... they are constantly biting me like crazy.... everywhere i go... i'll at least come back with 4 to 5 bites all over me... =( bruises and mozzie bites should seriously stop coming... =(( girlfriend says i need to see a doctor when i told her i have sleep disorder... haha... but i don't think i need to see one just yet... though sometimes i really hope i have sleeping pills with me to make me go to sleep and have a peaceful sleep for once... =x i'm not troubled with anything yet... not just yet... so there shouldn't be any reason that i'm unable to sleep.. but my current situation seems to be otherwise... =(( argh~!! i need sleep.... badly.... =((((((((

the first day of school was a drag... then again... school's a drag.. a total drag... on the bright side... it's ending in 2 weeks 4 days time... and FYP will finally end this saturday... thank goodness... but this week would be a mad rush... last minute poster edittion... log book updates and edittions... then comes D-Day Saturday... it's good that i'm on the earlier date... meaning that i'm done and over with it early... but it's bad cos that means less preparation time... =x but anyhoo... i can only give my best shot i guess...

i'm having withdrawal symptoms again... =x the type of feeling of not wanting to talk to anyone else except certain people... it must be the lack of sleep... =x but yeah... this is how i feel these days... suddenly... there really isn't anyone you can open your heart to talk to... no one to really rant to about what i really feel... i feel suffocated... but i'm not emoing at all... just feel that i'm starting to be the old don't wanna socialize me... my me issues have yet to be solved... i'm a problem person... i don't give anyone problems but myself... or so i think... sigh... in a dilema... but i've got to learn how to be independent don't i? stepping out of that comfort zone of mine... and grow up... but that's the whole thing... i DON'T wanna grow up... i don't wanna have the pressures of the adults... i'm not ready for the real world... i'm not ready for the adult world of deceit and competition and what nots... call me childish... or whatever else.. but i'm just not ready... friends... love... family... career... priorities..

friends come and go... friends that will always be there? kinda hard to say... friends becomes strangers due to many reasons... lost of contact... lost of seeing each other... awkwardness build up by other friends or just by nature or whatever hidden reasons they have... that's how fragile friendships are... and sometimes... it's such a tiring thing to do...

i've learnt one thing about love and is that it hurts and leave more of the bad sides then the good side... there's no perfect love and there's no such things as happy endings... love of friends... love of lovers... lover of family... love of relatives... love of pets... love of passion... somehow... all these love would be crushed... crushed by the cold cold world... by the people who said they would never hurt you but did in the end... by people who do not see you the way you see them and want them to see you... at the bottom of it all... it's just hurt and pain... i rest my case...

being career-minded is a good thing isn't it? it just shows that you have goals... and things that you wanna achieve... and a well-planned future ahead... but here's what i see myself doing in the future... being a workaholic... losing the meaning of life... it's only career and nothing else.. and neglecting the other things in life that's just as important... and that's prolly why i don't wanna be an adult... why i don't wanna grow up... why i wanna remain how i am... cos i don't wanna start neglecting important things other than material stuff... sure i wanna have the ideal lifestyle of mine... sure i wanna have a good paying job... but when i actually get down to achieving them... other things would start to get ignored... baaahhh.... i hate growing up...

my priorities now are just get down and over with in singapore and out of the country to start anew and live at a pace of my own... i'm going bonkers with the rush that's coming from this tiny city... i'm a suburbs person... the city is just to much for me... =x

i think i've wrote enough... my endless rantings and my me issues would never end... and this one can bore people enough to read it... it's no wonder why my blog's so dead.. =) anyhoos... bon nuit! and sayonara and oyasumi to whoever that even bother seeing this... i'm off to read my book and think of ways to make myself sleep... =x another draggy day ahead... =(

bye