outer: i am straight
inner: i think i am bi

outer: i believe witchcraft, blackmagic or anything magical is true
inner: i believe my fiction

outer: i want a rich and famous and totally dig me lover
inner: i just need a guy who will love me and handle my nonsensical childlike behaviour for a life time and of course he must totally dig me

outer: happy endings exist naturally
inner: happy endings made with hard work and not by nature

outer: relationships are a breeze
inner: relationships are a phobia

outer: nothing worries me
inner: i'm a worry wart

outer: i'm outgoing
inner: i dislike people... i'm selective with my people

outer: i know what i'm doing
inner: i'm lost at all that i'm doing

outer: rumours don't get to me
inner: rumours sucks

outer: friends forever
inner: one or two will stay

outer: world is perfect
inner: the world should just end and a whole new one should be created again

outer: talkative
inner: bottled up inside

outer: childish
inner: wants to be a child

outer: guys are girls
inner: guys can't be girls even if i want them to

outer: optimistic
inner: pessimistic

outer: realistic
inner: denial

outer: have lots of eye candies
inner: eye candies can never hurt me

outer: patient
inner: impatient

outer: good tempered
inner: short tempered

outer: tai tai dream
inner: career woman goal
out of all these... how many of my friends actually know the inner me? how many of my friends can see the inner me even when i have the outer me to cover it up? how many of my people actually knows what i'm thinking and how i see things?
here's the answer: prolly just 1 or 2... or maybe even close to none...

that's prolly why i rather not be myself than truely be myself... it's a protection i guess... know the comfort zone thingy? i can't bring myself to walk out of it... i don't wanna feel all those disgusting feeling of hurt, betrayal and what not.. the inner me closed once i entered secondary school... and i started putting up a false front... i started forcing myself to appear as a happy go lucky person in front of relatives, friends and even my parents... yearning to get some sign of approval from people around... especially my dad... it's silly isn't it? it's gets tiring awhile and the inner me starts to show a little... but then i pick myself back up and cover it all up again... that's human nature i guess... or maybe i'm wrong...

here's something happy... school's ending in 3 days time... =D hurrays hoorahs... byebye stupid school... bye bye early mornings... byebye stupid problems... byebye RJs... byebye UTs.... BYE BYE~!!! totally can't wait... though i'm not sure what's gonna happen next... i'm so bend on going aussie to study... cos i can't keep up with the pace here... i can't stand the pressure... i can't start anew in this country.... uh-uh... i can't at all... =( please let me get into my desired uni... please i beg you whoever that's up there listening...

wednesday's gonna be given to tanning with the girls... jas eunice a.k.a my enemy and jialing... a small group of us relaxing and maybe playing around... =) i supposed small groups are still the best... politics don't exist much in such groups... =)

activities are lined up for the whole week.. SAS high tea reception... visit to IDP... Chinese New Year coming up... and talking about chinese new year... i've finally gotten myself my clothes for the New Year... =) 2 dresses and a pair of pretty sandals... =) nothing to glammy... suitable for all occassions and something i would definitely wear out... =D yay~! such a disappointment that my taiwan clothes won't make it for the New Year... i was totally looking forward to it... but it disappointed me thus the reason why i ended up buying 2 dresses instead... and in fact only one of the dresses would be worn for new year... the other's more for going to the beach and wearing it for easy wear... haha... and both of them are green... hehe... i don't know why green.. but it's green... haha... i think i'll look like a semi christmas tree with my red peep-toes which i recently bought as well and gave me hell alot of blisters... =( it's painful... but i've got to bear with it... it's my shoe... it's my responsibility to season it... =x

i'm gonna do something stupid tomorrow... i'm going for a interview at a modelling agency tomorrow... haha... i don't know why i actually bothered entertaining them... but oh wells... since it's the end of school already... why not... haha.. if i do get the assignment... i might be able to get some pay for it... and that may be good since i haven't found a job yet... good plan eh?

i should pay a visit to the temple at Bugis soon.. i have the urge to pray again.. if i know how to get to the one at Joo Jiat... i would definitely rather go there...

20th Feb... another appointment with the doctor's for Anna... 27th Feb... the op day... a minor op... but i still worry... though i keep telling Anna it's nothing... of course i have to appear calm don't i... so yeah... i'm worried... people who bother reading... would you please pray to whoever that you believe for me that my Anna would be fine for the op? i hope the fairy goddess whose temple i'm gonna visit soon before the op and appointment dates would listen to my prayers... answer them and bless me... i've got no religion that i follow... but going to the temple always calms me down.. will she answer me still? *keeps my fingers crossed*

i need a hug... i need my sisters... be it real or fake ones... =((

night... bon nuit~!

side note: i wanna take up Japanese... where do i go for japanese courses? i want my bunny rabbit as well... when will my baby be brought home so that i could take him for walks and dress him up? i want my bunny rabbit Charcoal... =((