i've given up on relationships... yup yup... i'm no longer gonna force myself to believe things are fine... yup yup... with him... it still feels as if i'm alone... never there when i need him... maybe i'm not there when he needs me either cos prolly he never needed me... yup yup... this is so empty... wishing on a falling star wasn't right... i shouldn't have made that wish... yup yup... i should have wished for something else... then maybe i'll feel more confident of us... i sound as if i'm gonna break up with boyfriend... but neh... i'm not breaking up... but neither am i feeling happy about us... cos it all suddenly doesn't make sense... everything seems so fake... negligence keeps settling in... priorities never includes me... no love felt... cold silences... my tears keep falling... drifting's the word... space is everywhere... so much space that he seems to be boyfriend just by name and nothing deeper...

i'm not the one he thinks of when he's free... i'm not the first person to come into mind when he's feeling down... i'm not what he wants me to be... even now when he takes time to be with me... it feels like he's forced to do it... it all feels so unwilling... when with him now it feels he has other things on his mind and he just can't wait to get the day over and done with with me... i can't seem to smile in front of him anymore... cos it just all tastes so sour... even him holding me seems so out of place... was looking through our pictures and i realized he smiles differently now... everything look so forced... i read those signs and it's all telling me it's karma for making a bad wish... if i'm misreading them... i need to know... cos i'm building that wall around me once again with so much pain this time...

i love you... but i guess it's all a mistake... maybe it's time to rethink us... yes i'm pushing him away from me now... cos i'm not certain anymore about this relatioship... and no matter how many times i've brought that up to him... he doesn't seem to bother... cos it's all fine to him... it breaks me inside... but i guess there's nothing to be done... we're gone... and it matters nothing to him anymore...