today's a bad day... dread the module... dislike the faci... and i lost something precious to me... my first gift from him and marked the day we got together... it's a sign... a very bad sign and i'm not liking it... =(

how could the ring that was keeping the strap and the heart just break and it didn't even left the heart behind... it's all so bad... and because of that i started crying... nothing else would be able to replace it... i want my heart thingy back... =(

he finally spend time with me today... and i wished it never ends... i'll never know when i'll have such a time again... time spent with him is so minimal seriously... constantly i have to keep trying to get him to know that i'm there... sometimes i tired of getting attention... i just wanna be noticed... i don't mean literally... but rather in his mind... yes... this is another emo entry... cos i'm feeling damn sad... i'm trying so hard to spend as much time together with him before he enters army and i go into uni if i can... cos i know that there'll be no time for us by then... but it seems like i'm already getting that... all these while i've been trying and waiting and hoping that he'll notice that he never had time for me unless he goes school... but he didn't... till i told him a few days back... now he'll spend time with me... but i know it'll be shortlived... after a week or so it'll be the same thing again... he'll spend more time with non living things or other things or other people than with me... and i'm so tired of asking him to pay attention to me... why do i have to work so hard to gain attention from him all the time? who am i really to him... aye... i'm so confused... and tired... see... the bad sign... so it's been happening all the while... the lost of the heart he gave me meant that i'm tired of trying to get attention... i'm tired of waiting to be noticed... i'm just tired... so very tired... help me out here will you? aye... i can't stop crying... i think i've reached my limit of bottling things inside me... reached the limit of feeling so alone all the time... reached the limit of being neglected by him... i'm so pathetic now...

go away... i just need you to know that i exist and not someone that you can just chuck aside whenever you feel like it... i don't want any more space... i want time made for me.. i'm crumbling... can't you tell... ="(