i'm didn't wanna come school actually... i was tired of school... tired of waking up so early... and going home... tired of travelling... tired of using my brain... tired of everything... but i still dragged myself out of bed and got myself to school and came on time... i have been coming on time the past few days... leaving the house before it turns bright... it's time that i started sleeping early... to accomodate all those early leaving of the house... i've almost miss the bus stop home a couple of times due to my totally tired mind... always last minute then realized i've reached... fatigue is eating me up... =(

lab management today wasn't so bad... it's prolly cos it's so related to what everyone's rushing now... report... yes... that dreaded pieces of paper with lots of words and explanation... it's making the most unlikely people in class late or not even turning up for school... that's how bad the situation of things have become... it's making everyone bonkers... cranky... stressed... tired... and quiet.... thankfully for alvin... he made us do a first draft way before deadline... that's why i've managed to hand in my report without much worrying about the deadline... =) and i've come to find that maybe arul isn't that bad after all... she's kinda helpful when she knew that we were all worried about our report that she decided to help us focus on it and gave us some pointers... =)

UT's bad today... i'll prolly fail this paper this time... i've got a D+ for the first one... =( proteo sucks... aye... i can imagine structural bio next sem.. i'll prolly just hang myself dead there... and please... no alvin as my faci... though he's my PI and he's wonderful... but i don't need my grades so sink any deeper... i need to just breeze through... =X bah... i hating school more and more... =((

for mr belly man to read... if he does read it...

you don't feel a need for or with anything around me... here's what i mean...
you see a need to game every night... yet you don't see a need to call me and just talk...
you see a need to play basketball every saturday... it's a routine you say... yet you don't see a need to go on a date with me on a weekend...
you see a need to go out with friends whenever they ask you to... yet you don't see a need to be out with me when i sometimes wish you would... your reason being you're tired... then tell me.. when are you never too tired? (it's the same thing all over again you say... i've explained you'll say... yet it's still happening...)
you see a need to think about food... yet you don't see a need to think about me...

we've talked about this... then you'll pacify me for a day after we've talk... do the things that i've been unhappy about... but after the day's over... you'll be back to the same thing again... i've become invisible again... like i don't exist... so now... i'm back to the same old question... how much do i really mean to you? if you could list 10 things/people according to priority... what number would i be? am i alone in this all the time? shouldn't i not be feeling alone? i thought you're supposed to be here to show me that i'm not alone anymore... yet i feel otherwise... attention from you is minimal... it's only when i start acting weird then you start paying attention to me... other than that... it's zilch attention.. if i went on a holiday... would you miss me lots and send me messages even though you know i won't be able to receive it till i get back? or would you just wait till i get back and wait for me to tell you that i'm back?

so many questions in me that i wanna ask... yet i never have the courage to do so... i'm scared... i'm scared to look at you... or let you see me... unless of course if we're somewhere dark... then i'll have the courage... cos then you can't see my face... and i can look you in the face and say all these without worry... and that would never happen cos we're always somewhere bright where i can never pluck up that courage... so now... i end up writing them here... for the non-concerned and hopefully the concerned to see and give me an answer... but that's all wishful thinking... cos you'll never appear here to see all these and give me an answer... i'm just dreaming...

Labels: all things minimal