if boyfriend doesn't miss girlfriend... it's fine... thou shall not blame him... thou shall get use to not being missed by him...

if boyfriend doesn't see what's wrong... it's fine... thou shall not harp on the wrong things... thou shall move on... forgive... but never forget...

if boyfriend doesn't wanna go out... it's fine... thou shall show the unhappiness... but thou shall not force him to go out... thou shall get used to it... thou shall just have a dateless relationship...

if boyfriend makes girlfriend cry... it's fine... thou shall not say a word... and thou shall promise never to let my emotions get the better of me when i'm right in front of him...

if boyfriend gets pissed off (most of the time he doesn't)... it's fine... thou shall not talk much till he says something... then thou shall be very careful with words in future...

if boyfriend says "whatever suit what you think"... it's fine... thou shall not suit what i think... but thou shall not say that and just change topic... changing topic always gets people out of trouble...

if boyfriend doesn't call or pick up girlfriend's call or sms girlfriend or talk to girlfriend on MSN... it's fine... thou shall not feel sad even though i know i would... thou shall take it as he's always busy with something... so much so that i've become invisble... or thou shall talk to him first with a little unhappiness with every sentence... and then boyfriend will sense girlfriend's being weird and here comes trouble...

if boyfriend doesn't wanna hold girlfriend's hand tight or not hold at all or always ready to let it go... it's fine... thou shall just learn to not have a boyfriend's hand to hold or girlfriend shall hold first but always be ready for a sudden let go all the time when boyfriend does hold...

if boyfriend picks friends over girlfriend... it's fine... thou would get the message... thou shall know what boyfriend's priorities are and where girlfriend's being placed...

if boyfriend lose his temper with girlfriend and start using vulgarities... it's fine... thou shall try to control my temper instead of losing it... thou shall try not get scared and cry... cos that's weak... thou shall try to talk as normal as possible without welling up... or else thou shall not talk to boyfriend at all cos then girlfriend will start to cry and then that would be weak...

the above are the 10 things i'm gonna follow if boyfriend ever does any of that... i've got to be in control of my feelings instead of showing all over me... i used to be able to hide things pretty well... but now it's too easily shown... i need to be in control... cos i'm losing that control... sigh...

here's a random thing...

i've been having dreams... lots of dreams... weird dreams... bad dreams... scary dreams... creepy dreams... nice scenary dreams... sequel dreams... sad dreams... musical dreams... but i just lack sweet dreams... good dreams... happy dreams... how unfair is that... all the dreams that i've been having recently are just waking me up in the oddest hours of the night... then i'm not able to go back to sleep till it's almost time to wake up... i don't like such dreams... where's my good happy sweet dreams? =(