i am supposed to be filling my log book now... and adding more stuff into that tattered book of mine with boring notes that i don't see any amusement in except lots of disappoint and no progress in my FYP... it's so darn frustrating to know that i am so way behind schedule and my colloquim is coming in 2 months or maybe less yet i've not done anything productive when i see other teams doing so well... i'm supposed to be very focused this year... i'm supposed to not be so slack and do well... yet what i've been planning to do is not working out... grades are bad... distractions everywhere... i'm going crazy... i'm so short tempered now and i'm not speaking up in class... here comes the snappy me again... and no one can help get rid of that snappiness in me for me...

i'm thinking of running away again... i'm thinking of isolating myself again... i hate to go school and come home after school... it's a routine everyday and i'm sick of it... it's always school home school home school and then home... that's all there ever is to it... i wanna be somewhere else other than those 2 places... but where's there to go? aye... girlfriend... please fly back as soon as possible... then i can go somewhere and play instead of going home after school everyday... it's boring me to death... i'm becoming super boring... i'm becoming a bore... i can't bring myself to smile so much anymore... =( so yes... i'm stressed... have been stressed ever since i realized that i don't know what i'm doing... why i'm doing... where i'm going... the future's a blur now... and i'm panicking... and panicking is not a good sign... i was certain of the path i was going to take... so sure how the future would be like... but now... i ain't sure about anything... and crying has been so frequent these days... i would just feel like crying for no reason... darn... i'm becoming weak... fighting to be strong is tiring... i can't be strong anymore... but i can't be weak either... sigh... it's tough living... there's no easy way out... why can't it be like the cartoons... where there's fairy godparents to make all these doubts disappear and make me a happier person again... i hate growing up... =((

i realized i haven't been blogging about happy stuff... then again... there isn't any to blog about... so why bother trying to think of any happy stuff... oh right... there is a couple of things... girlfriend's coming home soon in a few weeks time... 18th june!!! hurrays!!! and another is... the 2nd is coming with me and boyfriend... =) now that's some happy thing... for me at least...

Labels: BASC i peace with you just FREAKING DON'T DIE AGAIN bugger